Recently in Humor Category

Pirate CharacterYou know what you're supposed to do so let it rip - aaaarrrr!
Nerd commentary really.

If you heart unicode too, pass it on
That, plus Dermot's involvement in the seedier side of Irish Music, or "Trad Gone Bad", as it's known.
Hey Diddle Diddle
I'll beat ya with me fiddle
Didle-idle-oh
While squeezin' on yer ho'!
followed a little later by:
"The real-life activities of Gangsta-Trad stars such as P. Diddly and Tupace Manure have not matched their often violent lyrics. Commentators ascribe this to the difficulty of performing a successful getaway from a drive-by shooting in a tractor..."
Half life Orange box. Buy now. You will like, and you will understand

I organize my trip...

| 1 Comment | No TrackBacks
And they change the office move date by a week. It's bleeding typical to have something like that happen, as after all as my mother says, you can't get away with anything.

It's cheaper to visit the US

| 1 Comment | No TrackBacks
Ok, thinking about buying one of the new Ipods (Yes, the capitalisation is InTeNtIoNaL). Daire is going to hate me for mentioning that I have been considering getting a Macbook Pro. So I did the math. The Euro:Dollar exchange rate is about 1.3:1, so it saves me a bit more than €500 to get the machine. Soooo.... it's cheaper to fly to New York for a long weekend and buy all my Apple desires in the US than it is to buy it in the store in Euro. So, I'll probably be visiting the sister relatively soon then :)

Great music sale

| No Comments | No TrackBacks
great itunes sale Hey, it looks like itunes is having a huge blow-out singer-songwriter sale - all albums are an amazing 7 cent!!!!!!! This is what you get from using a symbol (€) in the wrong position for the locale that you're presenting, and also having a symbol that coincidentally looks horribly like another language's cent symbol (¢). Just another morning complaint.

Simpsonize me

| 1 Comment | No TrackBacks
As part of a shameless plug for the simpsons movie there is a Simpsonize me website that allows you to turn a picture of yourself into a simpsons style character. This is my end product.
It's one of those strange questions. I've paid my money, so I'm going to stick with this until the end. I can't seem to recall having ever walked out on a movie. I think good taste has prevented me from going to some awful turkeys that I ended up seeing 10 minutes of on DVD or on Satellite and just flicking it off.
Walked out on; no. Fell asleep during... yes. In no particular order and based on a faulty memory we have Star Wars : The Phantom Menace (midnight showing, a few pints on me), The Third matrix movie (good nap, crap movie) and Spiderman 3.
I went to see Transformers on Saturday and all I have to say is that it is a blown back in your seat action fest from start to finish. Well worth it for a flashback to my childhood.
There is a significantly higher proportion of Women departing from the train in Killarney tonight. I think it may be something to do with the Pink concert tomorrow. The weather forecast for the day is terrible - we're talking really, really wet.
He just forgot his safety word. Thank you PCH.
And now to brunch...
Well, it all depends. It really should be a compact flourescent light bulb, and if you're replacing one of those you should ask yourself why you're replacing one a I've never experienced one blowing out in my lifetime and I've asked people and neither have they so the entire problem is one of faulty wiring in your house so you should probably get that seen to.
This is one of the typical messages. The fun thing about this one is the grammar says the opposite of what they meant.
We recommend you to install a firewall module and it will stop e-mail sending.
Otherwise your account will be blocked until you do not eliminate malfunction.
So, in other words if I don't install this patch, you won't block my email. Ain't it sweet :)

I just loved the show. There are Instructions on how to perform the dance from the credits of the show itself.
In honour of her putting the blasted tune in my head while travelling back to Dublin yesterday I've set her ringtone to the theme from the tv show from my childhood. In order to infect other people :)
There's only one problem with my kung fu resurgence.
I have a very, very high credit limit.
This could get ugly.
I've just re-watched 'The Producers' having not seen it for several years. It is as fun now as it was back then. I now have the song stuck in my head. I'll have to watch something completely different to get the noises back out. Maybe some 8-bit music from Trash 80. Old school feels like a Spectrum feelings back again. I feel like getting nostalgic with some original Jet Pack.

Unicorntastic

| 2 Comments | No TrackBacks
the unicorn of blame This is the unicorn of blame. Whenever you break the build he gets to live on your desk. I think it could be quite motivating to keep the build working.
Unless it gets to one of the girls' desks. I'm sure that they would not be motivated to get it removed from the desk.
I laughed so much I nearly peed myself. You must see this movie; it is brilliant. It pays homage to practically every cop movie ever and most of those 70's small village but something bad is happening here movies. I may just see it again tomorrow, and definitely one to buy on DVD.

It's a clip from idolm@ster, a bit like dungeon master except with your own idol group. it is so kawaii.
Young dermot was consulting the Ipod Oracle, so I decided to do the same.
You have a set of questions you ask. Put the player in random and based on the songs that come up you answer the questions and put in a comment.
The List of questions are hidden here:
The Complete List of my answers are hidden here:
starwars-xmas.jpg It's the Star Wars Christmas album. A friend asked me to get it for her as some form of present. I'm just about to experience it for myself. The review from i-mockery may be the the definitive explanation of this really terrible piece of tripe. For indeed, I have got to the start of the first track and my heart is hurting from the sheer horrific intensity of it.
I saw the Bond movie and believe me, getting tortured like he was is probably preferable to listening to the frelling album. Well at least I can console myself with having the entirety of farscape to see over the holidays.

Daft translation

| 1 Comment
We'll forgo the usual straight from the property pages lines and go for a couple that I find humourous.
First there's 'easygoing'. This one really means that we're a bunch of stoners.
Then there's 'Professionals only'. This usually translates to we don't need no steenking students. Let's be honest, they tend to leave a mess (see previous point).
We have 'neat', which is another term for anal-retentive enough to follow yourself around with a disinfectant wipe.
Would not suit couple... It's too small to fit even one person; I mean get real here, look at the price.
No couples... They tend to piss single people off with all their lovey dovey stuff.
Appointments will be made with the most suitable people... Look at me, I'm lazy and I'm just clinging to the little bit of power I have.
Enough of the bitterness. I'm calling a letting agency :)

Carol of the Old Ones

| No Comments

It's a carol for the old ones. Brilliant, need to post it to some other folks...

I love it. Very funny and fits well in the time

That's just a little too scary

| No Comments

You too can have a USB pole dancer for Christmas. Let's be honest, it's not serious, it's just plain silly.

There is no notepad conspiracy

| No Comments
Apparently there is a Notepad conspiracy where it hides certain text from the user. The problem is that it isn't hiding it, it's just guessing the character set incorrectly. Raymond explains things a lot more eloquently than I. It seems to be a similar problem in the gnome notepad (gedit) utility - when it can't guess the character set it puts up a D'oh, I can't interpret this file message.
updater Splinter cell Double Agent's auto updater seems to have a little bit of confusion as to what it's updating. The dialog says that it's the updater for the previous game. I do realize that it's mostly recycled code, but this should be a configurable. Thank crap they dropped the starf**ce protection system. It was really annoying, with subversive device drivers on the machine.

gerrymanderers are us...

| No Comments
It turns out that I'm registered to vote. Apparently the road I live on is split in two. Just a little on the scary side.

South park

| No Comments
Last week's South Park episode with Richard Dawkins was funny. No sacred cows left untipped with these guys.

space for beer

| No Comments

A professor stood before his philosophy class and had some items in front of him. When the class began, wordlessly, he picked up a very large and empty mayonnaise jar and proceeded to fill it with golf balls.

He then asked the students if the jar was full. They agreed that it was.

So the professor then picked up a box of pebbles and poured them into the jar. He shook the jar lightly. The pebbles rolled into the open areas between golf balls.

He then asked the students again if the jar was full. They agreed it was.

The professor next picked up a box of sand and poured it into the jar. Of course, the sand filled up everything else.

He asked once more if the jar was full. The students responded with a unanimous "yes."

The professor then produced two cans of beer from under the table and poured the entire contents into the jar, effectively filling the empty space between the sand. The students laughed.

"Now," said the professor, as the laughter subsided, "I want you to recognize that this jar represents your life. The golf balls are the important things--your family, your children, your health, your friends, your favorite passions--things that if everything else was lost and only they remained, your life would still be full.

"The pebbles are the other things that matter like your job, your house, your car.

The sand is everything else--the small stuff.

"If you put the sand into the jar first," he continued, "there is no room for the pebbles or the golf balls. The same goes for life. If you spend all your time and energy on the small stuff, you will never have room for the things that are important to you. Pay attention to the things that are critical to your happiness. Play with your children. Take time to get medical checkups. Take your partner out to dinner. Play another 18. There will always be time to clean the house, and fix the disposal.

"Take care of the golf balls first, the things that really matter. Set your priorities. The rest is just sand."

One of the students raised her hand and inquired what the beer represented.

The professor smiled. "I'm glad you asked. It just goes to show you that no matter how full your life may seem, there's always room for a couple of beers."

bulls don't have udders

| No Comments
I saw a trailer for some stupid animated farm movie. A male cow is a bull. Bulls do not have udders. All the cattle on the trailer - both male and female alike had udders. Could this be the first transexual animal movie for kids?

I am kimiko?

| No Comments
Another one of those surreal quizzes. This one gave me an unusual result...

Which Megatokyo Character Are You?
created with QuizFarm.com

Ahrrr (pirates)

| No Comments
Today be talk like a pirate day. Arrrrr!
I love the Bullsh*t show. It's being aired on FX on this side of the pond. The episode at the moment is all about the obsession of having 'the best'. Well, they're doing the restaurant thing - everything on the table is made from really cheap ingredients, but is presented really well, with a great waiter feeding the best lines of BS to the customers. Surprise, surprise, nobody caught on to the fact that it was a scam until they were told. I'm reminded of the brother in law. I wonder if he would have been caught by this?
Now we have the environmental panic folks. I seem to remember Mr. Moore on the radio show a while back.

My super ex-girlfriend

| No Comments
Sad to say, I think I wrote the plot. I won't claim to have written the script.
Funny.
Predictable.
Shame.
My super ex girlfriend IMDB link

baals, it's funny

| No Comments
I'm watching episode 4 of Stargate season 10. I laugh primarily because of the premise of the issue - there are many, many clones of Baal and, well, it's just funny to have all those clones wandering around like 'revenge of paranoia'. hell, at least we only have 5 clones in Paranoia.
Still laughing at the baals.
Baals

stagolicious

| 1 Comment
Forgive the poor speling and the poor grammar. Last night was young dermot's stag party. We spent the afternoon shooting things in Wicklow. I think the reverend should have been there, he would have probably beaten us all (embarassing, sonsidering that we are a bunch of computer gaming first person fools.
Naah, I just thought I'd put in a title like that to grab a few eyeballs. The brother is going to the Munster Biarritz game this weekend in Cardiff. He got flights to London and is travelling up with the Brother in law for the game. Outrageous price to go to Manchester for the weekend - something in the range of €300, so the mammy has delayed her trip to visit the uncle until early june, where it's a much more reasonable €140. I'm not going to the game, as there aren't any spare tickets. If I'd known that Liz was in the US this week, I could have connived to get the ticked to Brian in New Zealand who promised to come all the way to see the game if he was guaranteed a ticket. That would have been silly.
I'm about half way through the evening course I've bene taking. It's interesting. Some things I knew, some things I didn't, but overall educational to have everything you need lined out in front of you. When I couple it with the Maths grinds for the niece, I'm busy in the evenings, and more than a bit tired. It will be a matter of time before I'm too tired to watch my favourite 'Boston Legal' on the telly. Maybe I should stop watching it pre-emptively; or even record it.
Mark, sorry for not getting in touch sooner. I've been distracted and just haven't gotten back to you.
The Luther burger is something I had seen referred to a few times but I never pursued the definition with any vigour. To discover after the fact that it's the genuine article makes my heart hurt. Scary, scary Homer Simpson like incidents involving six pounds of rich, creamery butter.
You Are Teal Green
You are a one of a kind, original person. There's no one even close to being like you.
Expressive and creative, you have a knack for making the impossible possible.
While you are a bit offbeat, you don't scare people away with your quirks.
Your warm personality nicely counteracts and strange habits you may have.

Humourous look at 24

| No TrackBacks
The Robservatory (good pun there by the creator), has a wonderful listing of the 24 rules of the '24' universe. Pretty much all true.
It really is annoying, they keep hitting the same problems again and again and again. You would think they could get to the solution without having to suffer through so many problems. Case in point, season 2, I think, and the Israeli agent gets dragged out of the SUV and beaten to death by the racist hicks just to add another two hours to the storyline (minimum). In a movie there wouldn't be a twist like that because it kills the bloody story, and drags things out so much that you just want to shout at the TV to speed things up.
Of course I was watching the show on DVD, so it made all the delays more painful. I presume if it was on TV that the delays would not have felt so bad. I gave up after season 2, I just don't have patience for a directed yet unfocused show.
Hang on a minute, my favourite shows over the last while have all be japanese anime, which has the distinction of regular bouts of aimlessness. The advantage is that they're only 22 odd minutes each which makes them a lot easier to digest.
Anyone else got a tune-in?
AIR, which really touched me. Kanon is another show that got me.
I didn't know about the electronic disruptor until the last level. I'll have to replay it now that I know about it, to see how much of a difference it makes.

Poor little pacman

| No Comments | No TrackBacks
pac sees dead people It turns out that pacman sees dead people! I really enjoy the vgcats.

Penny haha

| No Comments
It's roleplaying. It's Penny Arcade. I laugh (you may not be able to view this directly.
Anyone, anyone?

Waiting for a Darwinia

| 3 Comments
maneen I just love the retro look of Darwinia I've pre-ordered it on steam, but can't wait for it to come out, so I've been looking for illicit copies of it. I thought I had one, but it turns out to have been released as a 'Don't steal our game' exercise. Even then, it's just increased my desire to have the game. The interation model has been changed in the 1.3 version - you can use either gestures or an icon based environment. I use the gestures when I've got a mouse, the Icons when I'm on the touchpad of the laptop. It works quite well providing I tweak the configuration file, putting RenderLandscapeMode = 1 (corrected 2005-12-20) into the settings.txt file. Otherwise I get a crash in iglicd32.dll when you enter the game. I'll probably have to apply this to the game once it's released.
Correction 2005-12-20 - the entry should read RenderLandscapeMode = 1

Rabo Direct / Truth In Advertising

| No Comments
I was recently reintroduced to the mini-movie 'Truth In Advertising', which is really funny and reminds me that the current batch of Rabo Direct ads are based on it. I just didn't make the connection until someone reminded me of it.

Song for the coldclones

| No Comments
Fintan, this one is for you... Everything sounds like Coldplay Now. By a band called Mitch Benn and the Distractions.

Here I am with a shiny new Motorola phone which I find really really shiny and nice, but as you may have guessed from the previous blog entry, I'm not happy with the software. I must hearken back to the past when we had a separate Sony and Ericsson phone company. Sony manufactured really pretty phones, with good user interfaces, but the hardware behind the phone itself sucked. Ericsson created technically good phones, but their software and look sucked. When they came together it has been good for the both of them. The phones look good, they have good software and they make good calls (for the most part, don't buy the low end phone models). With Motorola they've always had technically good stuff, it's worked well, but their software has always made me want to hurl. My first phone was an old Timeport. It had an IR port, Bluetooth didn't exist at that time. I thought that the phone software was good. Oh foolish, foolish me. I went back to have a look at it again recently. What a piece of shite. The menu system is incomprehensible and performing the simplest of tasks on the phone is a nightmare. Fast forward to today. The menu system has improved significantly, but they've still got things wrong in the most critical of ways, the extra click here, the missing option there. The fact that practically all the configuration in the phone is accessible through the initial setup screen. I mean really folks, the purpose of an initial setup screen is to get enough information to use the phone - like a wizard. Ask the person if they want to set the date/time or use auto-update (missing on the Vodafone branded ones; I think it's because they can't actually get the network clock correct - lazy buggers!), then off they go with their new phone.

How do I configure Bluetooth? Menu -> Connectivity -> Bluetooth Link (only option, I know there's a possibility of truesync and IR, but if there's only one then take the fucker and don't ask me) -> Setup

How do I compose a text message? Menu -> Messages -> New Message -> New Short Message. Considering that 85% of all phone messages are text messages a shortcut to go straight to a compose window would be nice.

I won't even pretend to understand how the Speed No 'feature' works, it really is that bad; mind you the Sony one wasn't much good either for the non-smartphone models.

I regularly have to switch my phone to silent and back to my regular profile. How do I do this on these phones? I have to navigate through to the specific profile for silent, or else change the volume for the current profile using the volume control keys.

The phone book. Again, multiple entries for each name, the only thing identifying them is the tiny logo in the corner. The 'preferred number' feature is laughingly ineffectual, as far as I can tell it just puts one number ahead of the others.

Let's see, now for the slogan: Motorola, solid phones, shitty interfaces.

This has to make you laugh

| No Comments
It's time for the Fantasy League... the Indie Fantasy League. Just when you thought it was safe to get out of the house.
[Listening to: Moby - God Moving Over The Face Of The Waters - Moby (6:56)]

A note for those who care

SATANISTS! This weekend is your last chance to conceive if you want He Who Walks Backwards' child born on 6/6/6. Any later and to be out then he'd be premature and perhaps a bit weedy.
Thanks to Ruairí for the reminder.
[Listening to: 09/08/05 Majority Report - Air America Podcasts - Majority Report - Air America Radio (1:53:20)]

The 3 variable Funny Test

the Cutting Edge
(76% dark, 42% spontaneous, 10% vulgar)
your humor style:
CLEAN | SPONTANEOUS | DARK


Your humor's mostly innocent and off-the-cuff, but somehow there's something slightly menacing about you. Part of your humor is making people a little uncomfortable, even if the things you say aren't themselves confrontational. You probably have a very dry delivery, or are seriously over-the-top.

Your type is the most likely to appreciate a good insult and/or broken bone and/or very very fat person dancing.

PEOPLE LIKE YOU: David Letterman - John Belushi

cutting edge

The 3-Variable Funny Test!
- it rules -

If you're interested, try my latest: The Terrorism Test



My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender:
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 98% on darkness
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 39% on spontaneity
free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 0% on vulgarity
Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

From Fintan

| 1 Comment
Fintan pointed out that there are T-shirts for the County of Kerry. Considering the number of People's Republic of Cork T-Shirts there are I'm happy to see that there are Langer Free Kingdom of Kerry T-Shirts.
[Listening to: Want Me. - Red Delicious - Emotional Blur (04:29)]

(Software) Engineering Proverbs

It's old, it's boring, but it's functional. The old Software Engineering Proverbs Page.

Quote from a page

"Is real life really stranger than fiction, or is fiction about real life being stranger than fiction stranger than real life being stranger than fiction?" Ow.
Dog day.

Update on Burglary

Turns out that there were about 6 houses in the area that had been broken into. All the houses exhibited the same symptoms, namely that things had been tossed around, but nothing stolen. Very strange.

The Pedants' Revolt

Nice little program on the BBC tonight. It's been on in BBC 4 before, and I really like it. I am a pedant, and just a little proud of the fact.

Cheap at twice the price

| 3 Comments
Well, I was performing the usual 'tech geek' duty this afternoon. I was fixing up a friend's computer. It was a real mess. It had originally been split into 4 FAT partitions (that's not FAT32), with a lot of wasted space on the disk. Using partition magic, I upgraded them to two partitions - one for the Windows 98, and the other for Windows 2000. Then I fixed the modem so it would work in Windows 2000 - it needed a driver download from the Gateway web site. Once that was completed I installed Zone Alarm (personal edition). That fixed an immediate problem - there was a computer somewhere on the Eircom network that was just barraging the machine with SMB packets - virus or hacker I don't know, but it was causing 100% processor utilization and was killing the machine while it was connected to the internet. Mairt was of the impression that the fan was internet noise. That confirms my opinion - firewall first, the rest is just ornamentation.
What was my charge for all this work? An Indian meal, complete with a bottle of beer! I really am cheap tech support.
Internet noise... what next?

Cat comment

catcomment.gif Yes, this is how cats do ackt when you encounter them after they do something utterly stupid.

Network acting up

jayandbrett.pngWell, I always wondered what the story was with the network in college, and while nothing quite like this ever happened to us, it would not have been difficult to fulfill the computer's wishes for us either.

Jammie Dodgers

bicciesHow can anyone not like the irresistable jammie dodger? It is a biccie from god.
.

How to destroy the world

This one's for you Rob. I know you have it in you :) How to destroy the world

Trivia

Azrael_In_The_Village.jpg The cat in the smurfs is Azrael.
cscscsc
Compassion: You are there to share your sympathy with others. People would consider you affectionate and caring, and someone to look up to.
Which Characteristic From the Samurai Code Matches You Best? (You may find out your best trait)
brought to you by Quizilla

Statement of fact

Tear gas means never having to say you're sorry :)

weakest link in a security system

weakest link This image is courtesy of the risks digest.

Apple- humor

Ouch my aching livers

Well, it's after Warpcon and I'm feeling a bit better - my livers no longer hurt as much and I think my kidney should be feeling better too. After all The liver is evil and must be punished.

warning messages

They should put a nice warning when you log into a solaris box that killall on linux and solaris are entirely different commands.
Laame, if it was meant to be the same, then they would have used the same operating system.

Tapestries...

I originally saw this on Dabe Barry's blog, but never bookmarked them. Milkshake tapestry
qveer eye for the medieval mann
and if you're skilled you can always DIY

commentry

QDB: Top 100 Quotes
I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

Next time....

Google is your friend. All the smart people use google. Just Fucking Google It For people who are too stupid to check Google before asking a question...

Link without (too much) comment

Oh my god! Pink Hello Kitty Laptop Just the thing for people like Fi :)

Cthulhu 419 scam